Blinking Once, Maybe Twice

and now... here we are

My priorities with my photography work have changed for me in the last few years. Teaching and personal projects take up most of my time. In the past, I used to take on a few senior photo sessions in the fall. I got several inquires this year, but declined most of them, because it would have been too overwhelming for me to add this on to everything else. But, I did take senior photos this year of my own son (and one of his closest friends that he has gone to school with since Kindergarten. I definitely could not say no to him). But those two were it this year.

I wanted to share a few favorites of my son Lukas, my first born, one of the greatest gifts of my life and one of my favorite people.

Here is what you should know about him:

He had almost shoulder length hair since he was quite young and refused to get haircuts except for minor trims.

He wore a hat for years, many years, too many years, and never took it off. At first, it was a baseball cap and then a beanie. He wore the beanie even on hot days in the summer. It’s not that I disliked it, I just didn’t like it all the time. We could only convince him to take it off on special occasions. It took a while, but I knew he would eventually grow out of it.

He has also always hated dressing up for anything. And again, we were able to convince him to dress up a ‘tiny bit’ for some special occasions and for when he absolutely had to - for concerts, for example. He played the violin for many years with regular recitals, so those were pretty much the exceptions.

He has always been quite independent. From an early age on, he insisted on doing things himself. My patience was tested many times, but he taught me how to wait. Honestly, I didn’t have a choice.

So, here he is, nearly grown up.

This past summer, he asked me to make a hair dresser appointment for him. I thought it would be for another trim, but he came back with short hair. He hasn’t worn a hat since that day. It was his choice, not mine.

This fall, he went shopping for some clothes with my husband. He wanted to get senior photos with three different outfits - a nice-but-casual outfit, an outfit wearing his high school letterman jacket, and a fancy once. This was his choice, not mine.

All that is to say, kids grow up. They grow up quickly and there is hope. If I was giving advice to my younger self or to someone whose kids are still young, I would say the following: Enjoy every minute of your time with them. Let them be who they are. Don’t push them to become who you wish them to be or hope them to be. It doesn’t work anyways. Let them go. Be present. And be there when they need you, because they still do even though they don’t always like to admit it or don’t always show it.

Next year, I am going to have to let him go into the big, wide world. It’s going to be hard for me, I admit, but I am also very excited for him and all opportunities he will have. Currently, this could mean spending a gap year in Germany, or going to college right away studying visual arts. I never expected it, but photography, videography, and maybe cinematography are his current main interests. But who knows what will happen between now and then.

My son was born within a year of my brother’s passing. I wrote about those events in a newsletter series titled “Finding Beauty After Loss.”

I never noticed many similarities between them and still would say that they are quite different from one another, even though Lukas received most of his genes from my side of the family. However, within the last year, I have had brief moments when I noticed a particular smile or laugh, specific facial features (his mouth), a tone in his voice or something about the expression in his eyes, only a little bit that makes me think: ”I can see my brother.”

Those moments are subtle, they feel like a gentle tug at my heart, a deep warmth inside of me, a sudden awareness giving me a glimpse, and providing me with a gift.

A gift is exactly what those moments are. They don’t make me sad, they make me so very grateful.

---

Items Of Note

Workshop with Maine Media

I am excited to announce that I will be teaching a workshop this coming February with Maine Media titled “Exploring The Art Of Multiple Exposure”. You can go to this link and check out all the details.

My first Substack Zoom gathering

As I mentioned in my most recent newsletter, I will be hosting a “creative hour” on Zoom on Saturday, November 16, at 11 am CST.

A lot of times when a workshop ends, students ask if there is any way we could keep going and continue to share work. And that’s where I received the idea of using this platform to host a once a month ‘creative hour’ for review, feedback, discussions on creativity, vision, techniques, and more.

This Zoom session will be accessible for paid subscribers only!

If there is a hesitation to subscribe or you are simply not able to for any reason (no questions asked), please send me a private message and we can figure something else out.

---

Thank you as always for reading! It means a lot.