I Saw My Life
as a sacred gift - more erasure poetry and random thoughts
A Sacred Gift
I saw my life,
insignificant to some,
as a sacred gift, and
a simple, solemn vow:
The obligation to try
and love.
The truth is, I know how to feed myself creatively. I know that committing to a daily practice is good for any art form. Getting better at anything and learning something new takes practice above all. And I know if I want to write more, I should write something daily and also commit to reading more. Writing more requires reading more. Reading feeds my thoughts and my writing ability. And yet, more often than not, I have been staring at an empty space not knowing how to fill it.
I know that creative expression is good for lowering my stress level, as is walking and being outside in nature, getting plenty of sleep, staying hydrated, and eating nourishing food.
I know all this in theory, and yet it seems that the biggest temptation of our human condition is to not do the things that are good for us but do the things that are not. It is easier to do the things that are not good for us, and lately I have been going with easier, knowing full well that I should do what comes not as easy.
One of my weaknesses is a lack of discipline, especially when I am mentally and emotionally struggling, when I feel overwhelmed, when the worry about future decisions dominates my thoughts, and when - to put it bluntly- the worry about the state of this country and the world infuriates me to no end.
I have always taken things to heart. Even as a kid, I got upset about the world and existing injustice and evil people killing innocent people. I remember my dad telling me many times, ‘You can’t change the world.’ Which, of course, would make me even more upset than I already was. ‘Why not?’ I thought.
Somehow, I couldn’t understand why selfish and greedy people can mess things up so easily and cause millions to suffer, and why well-intentioned people have to work much harder to fight for truth and justice and attempt to bring good into this world. I still don’t fully understand. But it seems that on a global scale just as on a personal scale, it is likewise easier to not do what’s good for the world instead of what is.
Destruction is quick. Healing from it takes years.
I have definitely been in a rut, but so have many others, I think. We all deal and cope and live differently when we are in rut. I deal with it by doing things that are not good for me, and avoiding and dreaming and procrastinating, and thinking about all the things I need to do instead of doing them - figuring out next year’s school for my younger son, for example. After some painful and very difficult middle school years, we have been homeschooling him this year, and are cautiously looking for a school that he can attend next year. Despite many choices, I am finding it difficult imagining him at any of the schools we have considered so far. It seems wrong to send him into the public school system again, but how can we pay for a private school, and what are our options? This and other things are currently consuming me day and night, and sometimes pulling me deeper into the rut I am already lingering in.
This past week has been a mixed bag of wasting valuable time and being somewhat productive. I know I will get better. I know I can do better. I know that if I push fear and worry aside, l can do the things I need to do.
But besides pushing fear and worry aside to do what needs to be done, I also need to let joy into my life despite and because of everything, and sometimes I think I shut it out too easily.
These past few weeks I have let some joy in when, for example, listening to very loud music while driving in the car by myself. Music helps to tune out the noise of a too-noisy world, and it brings me happiness instead of dread.
Something else that has been bringing me happiness instead of dread is looking at many different book pages and finding a poem in them. Instead of staring at a blank page trying to fill it with words, I have been staring at a full page trying to find the right words. As I mentioned last week, I have been working on black-out/erasure poetry, and I am enjoying the process immensely.
This week, I took a short break from spending time with my annoying companions called fear and worry and made an attempt to combine photography with the process of creating erasure poetry. I ended up taking photographs of book pages and superimposing them with vintage photographs in-camera. I then either erased the words I didn’t want by removing them in PS as in the image above, or used a white brush to cover them up as in the image below. I also took the freedom to add one letter and one word to the page below. Can you see it?
Creative expression always wins over fear and worry. Creative expression brings joy. And joy is more powerful. The enemy cannot win.
The Enemy Cannot Win
I still wait for
strength
and the
storm of undisturbed
tears
foreboding my way
the clouds bring a promise for tomorrow
evil threats
my enemy cannot win.
This is it from me today. Thank you so much for taking the time to read today’s letter.
If you would like to support my work, feel free to share this post and/or leave a comment.
Until soon…
Items Of Note
Our next “Creative Hour” for paid subscribers is scheduled for Saturday, March 22 at 11 am CST. This is a time for us to come together and share new or old work, give and receive feedback and discuss topics on art and creativity. Each time we have met, if’s been so refreshing and inspiring, I can’t wait to see you all again.
I love your erasure poems, they’re very soulful
I find creativity to be very important, just like you do. And I lack discipline as well. I wonder, is it wisdom, or the lack of character. Whatever that is, photography can straighten things out. Joy:)