Yes to all of this, Manuela. I found myself nodding at paragraphs that resonated. I feel you and showing up is exactly what is essential to your friend at this precious moment in time. Sending you hugs. I was in your shoes a few months ago. Thank you for sharing.
Oh Manuela, it's so, so hard to prepare to lose anyone in our lives. We are about to lose my mother-in-law so once again, no surprise, you and I are passing through similar halls in the house of life. When you said, "You are adjusting to life with a big hole inside of you, you are learning to live with that hole, and the seemingly trivial parts of life slowly become important again," I immediately remembered the moment I understood that concept. I think I called it living without a limb but it's true, regardless. The broadcaster, Anderson Cooper has a podcast about grief in which he discusses this at length. We learn to live with it but we are so impacted by it that so many of the trivialities of life lose their importance. The gift of grieving is that we remove the layers and filters covering our vision to what is most important. I truly hope that your birthday and son's birthday and all the lovely celebrations can happen with presence and gratitude, but it sounds like you're already there! Lots of loving thoughts as you pass through this.
Manuela, your heartfelt post reminded me of a recent quote I read by Leanne Delle who said the following during a TEDx talk:
“Live each day as though it’s your first. If we live each day full of wonder and appreciation while discovering a genuine sense of joy, I believe that motivation for our truest passion would be more likely to present itself...I would argue that we can deal with day-to-day routine and responsibilities while pursuing our passion. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.”
I always try (but sometimes fail) to be fully present for both the difficult and joyful experiences that life has to offer.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful quote! I believe it to be true. I certainly fail at it as well. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I always appreciate your sincere comments.
Funny enough, I had just finished commenting on one of your recent posts when I discovered you had left a comment on mine. :)
Dear Manuela, First and foremost, I'm deeply sorry about your friend. You're absolutely right about the veil of grief separating us from the rest of the world, and how that can come about before the person has passed. Anticipatory grief is real. What you say about how complex life is, that's also true. Our hearts are big enough to hold all that sadness alongside the joy and excitement and the beauty of the month of May unfolding before our very eyes. It also happens to be my favorite month. :). The need to take time away and be still and just sit with all that's going on is something I feel too, almost like an ache that I can't ignore (hence my recent lack of posting and responding to others' posts). Please know that we are with you, whenever and however you need that to be. Sending you light and love. Thanks so much for sharing this.
Manuela, I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I am sure you will do the right thing. We often overcomplicate things, want the time left used the best way possible. I am sure just being there for her will be plenty. Sending you a hug, positive energy and strength. 🖤
I'm sorry to hear about your friend Manuela - this piece is beautifully written and you have all the answers already. Showing up, being you and sharing love is all you can do to create memories you will treasure. As my partner says to me, we go through this life sharing one cup of sadness and one cup of joy, it's unavoidable but can be so hard in deeply sad times like this.
So sorry to hear about your sweet friend. You will be a dear blessing to her by showing up and loving her. It will be a holy time for you to share together.
This is a very timely message for me. My Mom has bladder cancer and has just decided to do chemo. I am not sure how she will respond and/or how much time she has left. This is hard to deal with for sure and I am sorry about your friend. I have also been thinking of heaven more often and life in general. I agree - enjoy life but also grieve when you need to. There is room for both pain and joy. It’s all part of life - unavoidable
Yes to all of this, Manuela. I found myself nodding at paragraphs that resonated. I feel you and showing up is exactly what is essential to your friend at this precious moment in time. Sending you hugs. I was in your shoes a few months ago. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Stella! I know you know what it is like. Sending you love!
Oh Manuela, it's so, so hard to prepare to lose anyone in our lives. We are about to lose my mother-in-law so once again, no surprise, you and I are passing through similar halls in the house of life. When you said, "You are adjusting to life with a big hole inside of you, you are learning to live with that hole, and the seemingly trivial parts of life slowly become important again," I immediately remembered the moment I understood that concept. I think I called it living without a limb but it's true, regardless. The broadcaster, Anderson Cooper has a podcast about grief in which he discusses this at length. We learn to live with it but we are so impacted by it that so many of the trivialities of life lose their importance. The gift of grieving is that we remove the layers and filters covering our vision to what is most important. I truly hope that your birthday and son's birthday and all the lovely celebrations can happen with presence and gratitude, but it sounds like you're already there! Lots of loving thoughts as you pass through this.
Juliette, it is truly not surprising that we are experiencing something similar right now.
This is a truly very hard. I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this, but this is where we are.
This is such a beautiful sentence: “ The gift of grieving is that we remove the layers and filters covering our vision to what is most important. ”
Thank you!
Sending lots of support your way...
What might you say? This is enough: I love you. I am here for you.
It definitely is. Thank you!
Manuela, your heartfelt post reminded me of a recent quote I read by Leanne Delle who said the following during a TEDx talk:
“Live each day as though it’s your first. If we live each day full of wonder and appreciation while discovering a genuine sense of joy, I believe that motivation for our truest passion would be more likely to present itself...I would argue that we can deal with day-to-day routine and responsibilities while pursuing our passion. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.”
I always try (but sometimes fail) to be fully present for both the difficult and joyful experiences that life has to offer.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful quote! I believe it to be true. I certainly fail at it as well. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I always appreciate your sincere comments.
Funny enough, I had just finished commenting on one of your recent posts when I discovered you had left a comment on mine. :)
I’m glad the quote resonated—it was fresh on my mind since I had just read it this past week.
We must have similar schedules for when we catch up on Substack! :D
A beautiful post, Manuela. Thank you for sharing. Sending you so much strength and light.
Thank you so much!
Dear Manuela, First and foremost, I'm deeply sorry about your friend. You're absolutely right about the veil of grief separating us from the rest of the world, and how that can come about before the person has passed. Anticipatory grief is real. What you say about how complex life is, that's also true. Our hearts are big enough to hold all that sadness alongside the joy and excitement and the beauty of the month of May unfolding before our very eyes. It also happens to be my favorite month. :). The need to take time away and be still and just sit with all that's going on is something I feel too, almost like an ache that I can't ignore (hence my recent lack of posting and responding to others' posts). Please know that we are with you, whenever and however you need that to be. Sending you light and love. Thanks so much for sharing this.
Thank you so much for your kind comment!
I always feel seen by your words.
I haven’t been keeping up with Substack very well either. Sometimes it is just all too much and the need for silence takes priority
Sending love your way as well!
Beautiful post. So sorry to hear about your friend.
Thank you so much, Dan!
I hope your friend feels better Manuela. Thank you for this beautiful post.
Manuela, I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I am sure you will do the right thing. We often overcomplicate things, want the time left used the best way possible. I am sure just being there for her will be plenty. Sending you a hug, positive energy and strength. 🖤
Thank you!
I'm sorry to hear about your friend Manuela - this piece is beautifully written and you have all the answers already. Showing up, being you and sharing love is all you can do to create memories you will treasure. As my partner says to me, we go through this life sharing one cup of sadness and one cup of joy, it's unavoidable but can be so hard in deeply sad times like this.
Thank you so much, Lin! I really appreciate your kind words.
So sorry to hear about your sweet friend. You will be a dear blessing to her by showing up and loving her. It will be a holy time for you to share together.
This is a very timely message for me. My Mom has bladder cancer and has just decided to do chemo. I am not sure how she will respond and/or how much time she has left. This is hard to deal with for sure and I am sorry about your friend. I have also been thinking of heaven more often and life in general. I agree - enjoy life but also grieve when you need to. There is room for both pain and joy. It’s all part of life - unavoidable