We Can't Hold It All

On being a drop in the vast ocean

Watching the sea gulls at Lake Superior

The contrasts of life could sometimes not be any bigger. 

While I was enjoying a nearly perfect day with bright blue skies and temperatures in the seventies at the north shore of Lake Superior two weekends ago, the big flood came rushing in on other parts of the country and wreaked havoc beyond comprehension. 

This week, I have been remembering several vacations that we spent in the Blue Ridge Mountains near Asheville, staying at a family cabin of some dear friends. I remember those summer vacations with so much fondness. I love the area around Asheville.The town of Black Mountain was always a favorite place to explore: the coffee shop, the farmer’s market, the local outdoor clothing store where I bought a pair of black Chaco sandals years ago. I remember walking the quaint streets with my new comfortable sandals, and imagining living in one of the picturesque small houses with front porches full of hanging plant baskets and comfortable rocking chairs, and the front yards filled with a vast array of colorful flowers surrounded with white picket fences. I always wanted to live in a house with a porch and a white picket fence. 

While walking, I imagined how idyllic life must be in this small mountain town where people care about kindness, community, and the nature and mountains that surround them.

The mountains that are still standing in all their glory - steadfast, strong, resilient.

The Blue Ridge Mountains 2021

Everything else is now debris. So much loss. 

The people who are left are still standing - shocked and grieved, but working harder than they ever worked before trying to clean up, rebuild and move forward. What other choice is there? They have to be steadfast, strong, and resilient, like the mountains that surround them. The strength that can come from living through a disaster is visible and undeniable. 

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I have lived through my own, tiny flood these past few days. Nothing bad nor important in the grand scheme of things, but still a flood consisting of thoughts crashing in on me. Thoughts filled with worry and regrets, questioning my life choices and my future. On those days, everything I know to be true and everything I have been working hard to overcome goes flying out the window to make room for the many false messages that put me into a state of discouragement:

‘I can’t.’

‘What am I doing with my life?’ 

‘Why does it matter?’ 

‘Does it even matter?’

‘If only I had done this or that.’

And so on. 

This often happens when I get overwhelmed and/or sleep deprived, or when I consume too much tough news. There is no lack of bad news these days, and lately there has been no escaping from it. It is then that I can sense what feels like the entire heavy weight of the world on my shoulders. It sounds exaggerated but it’s the only way I can describe it. Everything feels heavy. 

I always get out of this hole. I can’t stay too long. I have found ways to climb back up. Sometimes all it takes is a good night's sleep or a long walk to gain a different and healthy perspective again. 

We can’t hold it all, nor should we. We were not meant to hold it all. 

When my perspective changes, I find it comforting to think of myself as a small part of something much bigger, a drop in the ocean. We can’t change the entire world. We can’t fix everything. We can’t hold all the burdens. We can’t change the past nor can we control our future. Our individualized society has taught us too well that we ought to do it all, ought to do it all on our own. But I believe that that has been part of our downfall. I believe that this has been a big part of why our society is experiencing an epidemic of loneliness and isolation. We are not meant to do it all, we are not meant to live alone. We are not meant to be an ocean, we are only meant to be a small drop of what makes up the vast oceans of our world. We are meant to be a part of something bigger. We are meant for connection. We are wired for community.

We can’t hold it all alone, but we can hold a lot together. 

When I think about it that way, I wish for less individualism and more connection. We have learned well to put up masks and smiles that tell everyone around us that we are fine, that we can do it on our own. We have learnt well that asking for help is a sign of weakness. We have learned to not rely on each other anymore. 

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The Blue Ridge Mountains on a rainy day 2021

But what happens when disaster hits? 

As horrific and tragic as it is, as hard as it is to watch all the pain, grief and loss people are experiencing from afar, and as much as I hope that I will never have to live through what so many are currently living through, it sometimes takes a disaster to show us that goodness and kindness are still on the forefront of humanity. We do care about each other. We don’t want anyone to suffer. We do reach out and help. It is in us. 

In the wake of a disaster, people come together, people take small steps helping each other and becoming a part of rebuilding what has been destroyed. Among all this loss and mess and grief and destruction, there are many beautiful stories of kindness and care. Strangers helping strangers, the young helping the old and the other way around. Race, age, and economic status becomes non-existent when disaster strikes. The masks are ripped off. There is nothing left but our humanity. 

It shows me once again that beauty can exist in the toughest of circumstances. 

It shows that being a small drop in the ocean matters.

It shows that holding out an arm can be life saving.

It shows that a warm meal can be the greatest gift. 

It shows me once again that we need each other and we don’t need to do it all alone. 

It shows me once again that we can’t hold everything all at once, and we shouldn’t have to.    

May this be a reminder not to wait until disaster strikes to show kindness towards a stranger, to help someone in need right where we are, and to give when others have nothing left.

We can’t hold it all alone, but we can hold a lot more together. 

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